Blog post#1 my language learner identity

I was born in Guangdong, China. My mother tongue is "Cantonese" , and I learned Mandarin as a child in school. I usually spoke Cantonese with my family and my friends in China. sometimes who speak Mandarin, then I would speak Mandarin with them. As a matter of fact, Mandarin is my mother tongue also. In addition, my english was very poor, because I had studied very simple english in China.
I felt English is very hard for me. English is the second language what I have learned . There are many tenses , modals, and nouns...etc.There are some difference form English such as grammar . I am very confusing in grammar form. For example, I always forgot the correct form when I was writing; and I was hard to say a complete sentence when I have conversation with someone. I am only learning English in college now, because I do not have time to learn other languages. If my level of English ability, I will consider other languages to study Korean and Japanese.
My reading ability in Chinese that I felt very easy to understand. If I reading in English, I have a lot of vocabulary that I do not understand. In fact, I prefer to read novels in Chinese, and I prefer to use Chinese to read things on the Internet. Sometimes, I watch English movies or dramas, I would like to have Chinese subtitles . Because you can not fully understand in reading, this feeling will make you very sad. On the other hand,  my writing ability in English is very bad, but my writing ability in Chinese must be better. Therefore, I certainly prefer to write in for emails or letters to my friends and families, because my english is not so good and I feel shy if I write bad. Moreover, I prefer to use Chinese to write academic things in (essays, lab reports, business documents), the reason is I do not think it should be how to expression, do not check the vocabularies that I do not know, I can more clearly express what I mean. 
 In my mind, I am very afraid of English writing. I have so many problems with my English writing and reading and speaking. I really have to study  English. When I used my mother tongue - Chinese, I would feel very relaxed. However,I will try my best to do it well. I hope my English level can be improved.